The writers of At the desk of a real wife like to extend our deepest apologies to our followers for our recent hiatus.  We had a blog prepared to be released before the Valentine's day holiday to encourage those in love and seeking love. Also, one written for the day after for those that might have experienced disappointment if their expectations had not been met.   But with the recent untimely death of a wonderful sister,  mother and remarkable woman,  we were truly experiencing a tremendous loss. We could not let another day go by without acknowledging that she will truly be missed.
As every one begins to think back to her life, we also begin to reflect on our own. We hear the songs and remember where we were and who we were with.  Whether or not you loved her music or criticized her antics we have to remember she was a woman who was like most of us. She dreamed. She loved. She worked hard and conquered the world. The same world she loved so much turned their back when she experienced her trials and shortcomings. We all watched in awe. Personal mishaps and mistakes are usually done in private. We all prefer it that way and have that option.   Unlike us,  all her drama was displayed in front of the whole world.  When we experience trouble or pain in our lives only our best friend has the privilege to travel that journey with us.  We can fall and get back up again and no one has to know but us.  We can go through our time of bad choices and only a select few know our intimate secrets.  I remember her saying "How good it felt to be looked at and not be judged." I know that there are many of us that share that same sentiment.
 Also, when we think of Whitney we think GIFTED. When I think of the gifts that God bestows upon each and every one of us I am led to Matthew 25:14. The man entrusted his servants with different gifts, or talents (depending on your version).  Now what they did with them while he was gone led to them receiving the man's reward to share in his happiness upon return.

So whatever your talent is: trust God, walk into purpose and live your life for His glory.  Pray for guidance to learn  your destiny so when you are called home, He will say " welcome,  my good and faithful servant."  Remember that He may give you one talent and your neighbor five. But it is what you do with YOUR TALENT that makes the difference. Don't continue the blame game. Or hater game.  Forgive, love and move forward and if you need help, seek it.  Love yourself.  Believe in yourself.  Encourage others.  The devil will prevent you from believing in your gifted talents.  He will trick you into believing that your one talent is not worth as much or has as much significance as someone else's. But it is. It was specifically designed just for you and just for His purpose.
Remember you are wonderfully made... Let me know how you feel about this note from the desk of a real wife.....

I Didn't Know My Own Strength

As I sit here writing with tears in my eyes, the phone rings.  Should I let it ring?  Looking at the caller ID I know who it is. I mean right now I am having my own personal meltdown. I am at the point where something I want so badly and can have it too, if only I simply compromise. And I want it bad y'all.  I mean I noone will really know. And if I do it, who will it hurt? Then I hear that gentle voice, "the God you serve will." As my phone continues to ring I know the other person is in need of an encouraging word.  But how can I?  I am sitting here with my own broken heart. My own myriad of emotions. Have you ever been there? When you question where am I going to get the strength to encourage someone else without sounding fake.  How can I put my own drama on the back burner and put on my happy face?  How often do we as women just go through?  How often do we endure the losses and disappointments in life and keep it pushing?  How often do we smile to keep from crying? How often???

Buzz... she's leaving a message. As I think about the faith struggles we endure and I am comforted in knowing that what ever I need I can find in scripture. God loves us so much He left His uncompromising word for us.  Despite being written over hundreds of years ago, the Bible speaks to us accurately in 2012.  He tells us in Matthew 11:28 come to me all ye that labor and are heavy burden and I will give you rest. Rest and believe.... I get exhausted sometimes ALWAYS trying to be ok. Some times I need a mental health vacation but have no time to take it. That's when I  find the strength in Christ. Truly we can do all things through Christ who strenghtens us.
Don't get me wrong,  there will be days that only when we cry out can we gain enough strength to get through.  But know this,  you are not alone. Don't let the devil lie to you and let you believe that you are.
Trust and believe...










 Be strengthened. Be encouraged.  Thanks for reading a little note from the desk of a real wife...

DID HE JUST SAY NO??

I know its been a while  since our last post but we made a promise to God not to use these posts to vent  when we are experiencing something  that might taint what God has to say through us with OUR emotions. It happens all too quickly and then retractions have to be made and so forth.

In dealing with personal issues the question did arise however, that evoked much thought and prayer. How do you handle God saying NO??
I  don't mean the " delayed doesn't mean denied, wait " Or the NO because its crazy, wrong or harmful.  I mean straight out NO.  NO to the car you have been saving for.  NO to the child you have been praying for.  NO to the healing you have been fasting for.  NO to that spouse you have been saving yourself for . NO to something you have wanted and waited for for so long...Just NO...
How do you handle it? This is a question that I had to ask myself.  I know I didn't handle my latest No response from God very well.  I questioned him like a child. Whhhhhyyyy????  Then, I went through the laundry list of the good I am doing to show that I am deserving.  Still No.  Then,  I pouted and stomped like an angry, spoiled child.  Still, No.  Then I did the unthinkable... I got angry.. How can you tell me No! It is so unfair. I thought you said you love me!! Look at them and what they're doing you said Yes to them!! What's up with that???
Have you ever been there or done that? I will understand 100% if I don't get any comments on this blog.
I am being so transparent here.  Maybe you have never experienced a "NO" from God but for those of us that have,  there is comfort in knowing that we are not alone.  When searching scriptures for answers I find in the book of  Ruth, women who experienced a "No".  Naomi experienced loss of her land, her husband and her sons. Her faith was truly tested. Now bible scholars, I know there is no exact scripture that says she asked God for restoration of their lives or for their circumstanstance to change. But scripture does show she was angry enough to want to change her name to reflect how she felt about her situation.. That is only one example.  Throughout the Psalms,  David cries out to God and shares his heart.  He compare himself and his enemies and asks God why do they prosper when they are enemies of God?   Thank God we have recorded scriptures to show that we only have limited vision of what God sees generational.

David Cried Out!!

My words of encouragement as simple. Just trust God.... I know we don't understand it all. He says in Jeremiah " the future plans He has for us are hidden in Him." We have to trust and believe His word.  Some times are easier than others. But our God is just, merciful, loving and faithful to all those who believe....

Repent!

And lastly, if you have ever become angry because of a No from God. Seek forgiveness and repent. Don't allow the devil to use your shortcoming to be a foothold against you.  He has a predictable way of doing that.
Until next time.. I wish you LOVE, PEACE AND BLESSZINGS!!!
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WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

--Have you ever expected something in the mail only to get home and discover it wasn't there?  Or perhaps you expected someone to call you and they didn't?  Or even on a more serious note, maybe you expected your mate to meet needs that he didn't know you had!  Whatever the case may be, unmet expectations breed sadness and disappointment.  Of course you expected him to keep a job, be a perfect lover, raise stellar children, read the bible with you, keep the house IMMACULATE( and by house, I mean keeping his clothes off the floor!!) AND be an awesome man of God and that's just your list for Sunday!!

Single or married, ladies we have all experienced the crushing blow of expecting something and not receiving it.  Somewhere between ideology and reality we get lost.  We are angry at friends who didn't acknowledge our accomplishments; children who turned out to be everything BUT what we groomed them to be. We become angry with husbands or lovers who did not know we needed to be held when work was challenging that day.  Or do I dare say it, we feel that anguish when we prayed fervently for something we just knew GOD was going to answer our prayer request with a "Yes",  only to feel like GOD didn't hear our prayer at all.  Although we know JESUS loves us, we still have human desires.  No matter what the circumstance, I am sure you can recall your own personal scenario; they all equal the bitter taste of disappointment.

Keep Living

I took the liberty to find synonyms for the word "disappointment" and here is what I found:  dismay, dissatisfaction, frustration, and letdown.  Do any of these words describe a feeling you've had at one time or another??  If your answer is no, then honey keep livin'!!

Ladies, I will be 42 years old soon after this posts and I don't know about you but when my birthday comes around for some reason I get nostalgic and  I want to travel "back down memory lane!' I think about the times when I was completely devastated by not getting something I expected. Whether it was from my hard work, diligent efforts, or something promised, it was something I felt I was truly deserving of. Now, interestingly enough can you say BUT GOD, I am so thankful for all the times God closed a door on something I felt I wanted/needed so bad because that very thing could have detoured the path He had planned for me.  I have also learned through trial and error these nuggets of wisdom:
--PEOPLE LET YOU DOWN AND YOU WILL SURVIVE.


--YOU WILL NOT MEET SOME ONE'S EXPECTATION OF YOU AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS APOLOGIZE AND TRY AND DO BETTER THE NEXT TIME.


--EXPECT NOTHING IN A RELATIONSHIP INSTEAD COMMUNICATE WHAT YOUR NEEDS ARE---People cannot read your mind, no matter how well you feel they know you.
Disappointment is a vital (inescapable) part of this journey.  It is one of those things that places us right where we need to be at times,  in the presence of our GOD.  And finally my sistas, EXPECT that the Father "fearfully and wonderfully made you" according to Psalms 139:14 and He knows what you have need of before you ask it!

I have learned not to rest my total confidence in my expectations but rather to take each day as it comes.  
Each day is a gift, that's why its called the present. We know that all things will work together for our good because we love God and are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28(KJV).



So be encouraged my sisters...










AWEThentic BarBie with
another thought from the desk of a real wife........

Sex and Sensibility...

A Women in search of what should find Her !

The question often arises from those not yet married When is God going to send me my husband? Where is he?  Is that him?  How long must I keep waiting?  When God? Where God?
While spending some leisure time browsing facebook, I happened to stumble upon  some profile pictures and little posts and say wow???!!  Little advice to young ladies, remember that www. stands for WORLD WIDE WEB!!!  Realize those semiprovocative pictures they have meaning.  E'erbody can see.  Men are very visual.  Why do you think so much $$ is spent in advertising commercials  during games like the Super Bowl?  Men  are attracted to your presentation.  Your packaging.  Then they get to know about your mind and personality.  You know how it is when you're given a beautifully wrapped present in expensive-looking wrapping paper?  You are more apt to handle it with the care it deserves. Picture your anticipation to look inside.  You slowly peel back the tape as thoughts cross your mind with the possibilities of what is hidden.  Once the treasure is revealed the myriad of emotions are expressed dependent on if you like, LOVE or HATE your gift.
This is not too deep. I am sure its been said before. Women, we have to love ourselves and make sure we have developed the treasure inside of us. That is what our single time is for.  Trust me, I know.  Biblically, there are many stories of women that were single and in God's so perfect timing, they were placed in the path of their chosen mate. Women like Rebekah, who was gathering water at the well when Abraham's servant was looking for a wife for Isaac.  Ruth, who while working hard during the harvest caught the eye of her Boaz.  And even a woman like me. I was seeking God not looking for a husband.  Even though my husband and I attend the same church, the timing for us to meet was the day I almost hit him while driving down the street.  I am sure other ladies can share their stories as well.

 Cleanse yourself.!!

Treasure You!!

So for my single followers I want to encourage you to treasure you. While your single, learn about you. Love you. Enjoy you. Spoil you. Forgive others that have hurt you. Cleanse yourself.  Just like you clean your face and other body parts well, do that with the past pains of bad relationships. From the first to the last.  So when you meet your knight,  you are able to receive him and all he has to offer and not make him pay for what the last guy did to you.


I am going to leave you some scripture to simmer on. Psalm 37: 4  Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.   Continue to read the rest for yourself.

Know your Worth and Wait on GOD

This blog was not meant to be too deep.  Simply to encourage you. To the married ladies, if you like post your story of how you met your mate.  To those not yet married let us know what you think.
Until next time keep it real,  from the desk of a real wife......

What About My Friend....????

Tonight as I was preparing my "planned" blog for the single ladies in regards to sexuality and dating after a week of Facebook observations; my OWN relationship hit a snag.  A simple conversation turned into a " OH NO YOU DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT!!!!"  I went from  a loving, Godly wife and mother to Bumquisha "I'm gotta cut you sucka in 0.00002 milliseconds!!!!!!!"   This is from the desk of a real wife.. Now, while the disagreement topic isn't really relevant,  through it I realized again how God has a way of teaching life lessons in the most unexpected manner.
Friends...How many of us have them?  Friends... How many can we depend on?  (Remember Whodini?)  Tonight I was redirected to think about FRIENDS......     FRIENDS.  Just to give you an idea of how loosely we use the term "friend".  My husband and I share six (6) children.  Our 14yr old  listed on facebook that he has 857 friends.  Interesting,  I know because I think I have only met about 25 parents.  The only teens that he can "hang with" and consider friends are those whose parents WE have met.   So if they are truly friends, it is a boring, noneventful, online-only friendship.  The rules in our house are strict in regards to going places with teens whose parents we don't know.

But in the adult sense of the word, I am glad that God granted me the love of true friends.  While my circle of friends is few; a far cry from the 857 of our child,  it is enough.  Just enough.  Perfect in fact.  Just who I need when I am in need.   Defining the meaning of a true friend will be done differently by anyone you encounter.  The definition will be based on past experience and present needs.  Some characteristics can include trustworthiness, loyalty, similar interests, integrity, dependability, reliability, and so forth.  Personally, I believe MY true friends have the characteristics I hold most dear; mutual respect, love, self reliance ( if I don't call you for a few days and no life emergency is occurring, we are still cool), and HONESTY.  If you notice, honesty is in capital letters because it's HUGE to me.   When involved in true friendship, each party is able to take the time to identify the level of importance each characteristic is to the OTHER party.
 Jesus was and is a True friend to us all.  When we take the time to evaluate what being a true friend means, I believe we will have no problem seeing His face. If you have some difficulties with defining what being a true friend is I will share with you some scriptures:  PICTURE THIS     Be Real-- Just as in Exodus 33:11 At the Tent of Meeting ....the Lord would speak to Moses face to face,as a man Speaks with his Friend.  Be consistent-- Just as in Proverbs 17:17 a friend loves at all times.. Be selective in choosing friends--Proverbs 18:24 shares a man(woman) of many companions may come to ruin but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Face to Face

Being HONEST With your Friend is not always  Easy 

 Tonight as I pray and thank God for my true friends, I will say a special thank you for my friend, ( now Judy, Connie, Traneisha, Lynne,  FeFe, 1st Lady Karyn, Veronica, Jeanne, Mellissa, Catalina don't get offended I love you all too) but Starlette, thanks for being real.  Tonight you had the tenacity to pull my coat tail and love me through my error.  Face to face share with me I was wrong and with the fruit of loving kindness point to my error and listen with the love and gentleness as we Christians are instructed to do.

I will leave you with this, before I go and apologize to my life partner, husband and friend, have you been a good friend today? Are you a true friend? If your friend was about to make a big mistake or even had had something stuck in her teeth, could you tell her?  Would she tell you?  Just something to think about and thank God for....Until next time, just a little note from the desk of a real wife.........

THE "F" WORD

It was the First Sunday of the new year and the conversation arose about Faithfulness. As I listened to others and thought about its meaning I knew that the Lord was really beginning to tell me something.  Later in my quiet time,  I  began to search the scriptures for clarity. I searched  through many verses and was led to the Psalms. I stayed there for a while because David writes so much about faithfulness.  However, Psalms chapter  89 stood out. "I will sing of the Lord's great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known throughout all generations. I will declare that your love stands firm forever, that you established your faithfulness in heaven itself.  Interesting... Faithfulness. Firm. Forever. Just a few of the mighty "F" words.

Even though the Psalms were probably written centuries before the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, its relevance holds so much truth today.  Especially when I think of God's continued faithfulness to us despite our disobedience to His instruction.  His continued faithfulness even when we feel so all alone in situations created by our own lack of knowledge. Our own intentional disregard to the warning signs.  Faithfulness when we fall short.  Faithfulness even in times we don't recognize that are necessary for our life's destiny.  You know some situations are divinely created to foster the fulfillment of purpose.  Fulfillment.  "A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul...".Proverbs 13:19.  As we endure this journey called life,  we are often captivated by what WE think is our purpose. We begin to gain an epiphany and say, this one thing fulfills us.  It may be marriage, career, or motherhood. It may be our educational endeavors.  It may be some secret dream that you  share only with God and walk this life never satisfied because it has not been accomplished yet.  Whatever the case, God's great love stands firm forever.

As we begin to move forward in the year 2012, we cannot dismiss the importance of another "F" word. Forgiveness!!  Forgiveness takes a great amount of self introspection. Its often easier when someone has wronged us publicly, to say I forgive you publicly;  than it is when the wrong is done in secret.  More difficult still is self-forgiveness.  Forgiveness for our poor choices that contributed to past failures.  Forgiveness for our own vulnerabilities. Just simply forgiving ourself of a past mistake no matter what the underlying circumstances were,  can be a challenge. You know what I am referring to the "If I would'a, should'a, coulda's "that occur in life.  If I woulda been born.... If only I coulda been... I shoulda fought back when...  If my parents woulda been there for me, I.... You fill in your issue.   Only you know what it is.  Forgive yourself.  No longer continue to be bound by those things.  God is faithful.  His love stands firm FOREVER! It stands firm from generation to generation.  Just seek Him and His great love will allow the forgiveness in you to begin.  Then you can forgive others.  Self forgiveness is imperative. It is so desperately needed to unleash your ability focus on the other "F" word. Your FABULOUS FUTURE!!!  

Until the next time, just a little note from the desk of a real wife........
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