Hurt people hurt people....

Discouraged 

I can't  believe it's been over four months since I last sat down to blog with women to share what God placed into my heart.  If you have  been following from the beginning you know my promise was to never write anything with my own personal agenda. But as I began to experience a " writers' block " as you would, I tried to write about what I thought I was supposed to share.  Each and every time something came up or someone said a discouraging word and I found myself just sitting staring at a blank iPad. Hurt people, hurt people.
Four months... Things have happened in my life, in our country's life and even in your life that have been exciting. Things you wish to share with the whole world.   Me too.  Proud moments.  Eureka revelation moments.  Moments that when the words filled my head and began to come alive by blog; they were stopped dead in their tracks by  harsh, critical words that escaped from the heart of a hurt person.  Someone I admired and looked up to. Someone whose opinion I respected.  Hurt people,  hurt people.....

My personal experience came with such a subtle expression that I don't even think that that person even realizes that impact that her actions played.  Not until her story was made known through discernment did I have any idea she was walking around broken in pieces hidden in her facade of wholeness.  Nonetheless I just want




to convey that we have to be our own cheerleaders in life and others are on OUR team.  I know that takes maturity but it's doable.  Yolanda Adams sings a song that tells us to Encourage ourselves...
I suggest you add it to your playlist for times when doubts and hurt words rush in.

Encourage Yourself

 I started all that to say... From the desk of a real wife is back and more global than ever.  My husband says " sometimes you have to go through to get to".  I guess in life you have to know that you know so that you really know.
To women that are going through know that God loves you and your setback is the setup for your comeback.( I stole that from hubby too)!! Be blessed.  Love yourself so that you can love others.

" sometimes you have to go through to get to".  

Just a little thought
 from the desk of a real wife...

Make Sure Your Voice is Heard -VOTE

Make sure Your Voice is Heard- Vote

    Your Voice Can Never be Silenced

 

my vote counts, your vote counts
it’s a right, a privilege, a responsibility
as contributing members of society
selecting a government that will push initiatives,
            put in place changes and visions
of a better country that we envision
the party you choose, it’s your decision
my vote counts, your vote counts
we need to cherish our right and civic duty it’s not “eeny meeny miny moe”    or pick your favorite color
read up on the parties, analyze their agendas
listen to debates before you make that x
and place the ballot in the box
my vote counts, your vote counts
why would you waste the thing that
so many cried for, so many fought for, so many died for
if you notice
so many are still crying, still fighting, still dying for
embrace your right, privilege, responsibility
let your voice be heard
go out and vote-David McLennon    

Life happens...

 Wow.  What a summer!!  I took some time to watch and learn what other wives were going through.  I believe that when using a venue as this informational  highway to convey a message, it is important to have a wider perspective.  Also, it was good to meet and greet others to gain fresh and true reality of lives that may be different than my own.  Once taking this on it seemed as though the dam broke in my life and my own marriage.  I asked God "What did I do? What did I do wrong?  Why the struggles, the drama?"  Especially in the area of my "solid" marriage, what is going on, my Lord?"  What I learned is that God will reveal to you things as He chooses but you have to be quiet or you will miss your lesson.  And that lesson can be attached to your blessing.

To update you, I have been spending time with my friends that are in different stages of marriage.  Some happy.  Some are not.  There are a few contemplating divorce. One contemplating infidelity.  One, despite her intense anger with her spouse is determined to continue to work at it with so much tenacity that is commendable.  As we sat and fellowshipped, one thing we collectively learned is  that in everything there is a lesson to be learned.  One friend learned to speak freely and realized that admitting she needed help was not a sign of weakness. It was one of the first steps to gaining strength to improve her marriage.  Another learned that your stated level of commitment is going to be tested. And that once you think you've got it, you learn who is truly in control.  Not you nor your mate. God is...
 Personally, I have learned that sometimes it is necessary to just to be quiet.  As a married woman I have really been tested in the area of just being quiet.  A simple hush.  Zip it. Silencio.  Shhh.  Listening and not quickly responding.  I must emphasize that remaining quiet does not signify weakness.  Quite the contrary, having the ability to be silent is such an aquired strength.  Sign of maturity. Silence allows you to hear. wait and trust God.  In James, I love that book in the bible written by Jesus' brother James, James 1:19 Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for a man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.  Hmmmm.   A simple nugget to chew on.
My single readers may feel "this doesn't apply to me."  Yes it does!!!  I am putting you up on the rules of the game.  Place it in your purse for your future. ( You listen closely to the homeless woman who lost her house, as well as the one that just signed escrow papers).   I am going to reveal so many more of our conversations  Look forward to reading and learning,  As I shared this weekend with a few ladies, I am going to please God by putting into practice the tools for living that He gave me. Yes, there is the Proverbs 31 Woman but she will send me into major depression because I truly fall  so short. (Now if you have accomplished that, PRAISE God!!!)  When and if I get there with you, we can shout together.  But I know now when I get to heaven, I am going to ask her how she did it!!!
Blessings to you all!! Love you...
Let me know how you are doing. 
And how you feel about this little note from the desk of real wife....

40 Years of Hate=BITTERNESS

Thanks to the last blog comment mentioning one's heart. I am compelled to search scripture and my own personal life experience for this one for REAL y'all. After searching the scriptures for answers as always,  I was amazed that after a brief concordance search (God ROCKS!!!!)  I found this.... The humble shall see this and be glad. And you who seek God, your hearts shall live (Psalm 69:32).   We think often of "through the heart the mouth speaks... Or say that "charge it to my head not to my heart." The bible really has a lot of scriptures dealing with matters of the heart. The heart is

What does your heart hold?

so amazing. As small as it is, it can hold on to so much. You remember the couple I mentioned before. The two that broke up over 40 yrs ago and the woman still holds on to the past to this day. Bitterness, hurt and pain are powerful feelings and can consume your life. I have been working on this piece for weeks because it is so important not to misinform anyone. My true heart and pure thoughts are to share the goodness of God and the great plans He has for us all. So in the matters of the heart I truly had to wait for His voice. Scriptures share with us the story of David. We all have heard about some parts of his life. Whether it was him as a young boy or a valiant king; we are somewhat familiar with his story. What is interesting to me is when Samuel was searching for the next King of Isreal the bible says David was initially overlooked. In Samuel's and even his own father Jesse's eyes, young David didn't look like a king. The bible says in 1Samuel 16:7 when Samuel arrived at the house, he thought he found who he was looking for in David's older brother, Eliab. But the Lord said to Samuel "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. the Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.(NIV) So as far as relationships go, platonic or otherwise look at the other persons' heart. Knowing it can shed light on many things and avoid embarrassing disagreements, hurts and pain. If you know someone truly has a kind and generous heart,

Spend Time with GOD

don't be so quick to become angry if they forget something or a misunderstanding occurs. Truly their heart isn't designed to instill pain. On the other hand if you know that their heart is selfish and self-centered no matter how FINE they may be, well you can figure the rest out for yourself. Later on in the next chapter, Eliab became so angry with young David and they both showed their true hearts. Read 1 Samuel 17 for yourself. To all my not yet married ladies, please keep that in mind. During your precious time, (that's what I call the time spent while waiting on your mate, because during this time you learn how precious you really are), it is important to truly get to know one's heart. As I shared before, some relationships are for loving and some are for learning. Any married woman can attest to the fact that once married is not the time to learn where your spouse's heart really lies. Thanks for the heart to heart. Be blessed. Until the next time, hope you enjoyed a little note from the desk of a real wife....

Breaking up Made me Better not Bitter....

Last month was such a busy month with Mother's Day, the Memorial day holiday and prom season. It provided yet another opportunity to view relationships. And I began to chuckle as I was able to bear witness to an estranged couple that were involved in a relationship that ended over 40years ago. Surprisingly, the animosity still exists. When I questioned him, he has no clue what he did. But she seethes and you can tell the pain and hurt are still present and are just as fresh as they were when whatever happened occurred. Unfortunately, because children are involved there are choices to be made. Stand next to Dad or sit next to Mom. Incredibly the families have grown so accustomed to the behavior only outsiders feel uncomfortable. It got me to thinking, some relationships are forever and some are for growing. Whatever it is, be a better woman because of it not a bitter one. Everything done on this Earth has purpose. Life's journey includes finding out what that is. I am 100% in favor of marriage forever don't get me wrong but sometimes we have to be mindful of the relationship choices that we made. For example, years ago I had a very close male friend. I called him my male best friend and we got along great. So great in fact we thought since we were "best friends" we should get married. Why not? Disaster!!! It took time to get back to the friendship we shared but we both become better persons from what we learned in that relationship. He now has a wonderful wife whom he loves and I am happily married to my husband. But there are people holding on to their hurt and bitterness like a cancer and have lived with it so long, they probably don't know how to experience life otherwise. It can be all consuming and prevent new possibilities for love and happiness. Let it GO!!! Let God's love comfort you and saturated those broken areas. Can you imagine carrying a stinky, dirty, rotten piece of meat around with you everywhere you go? That is what unforgiveness and bitterness are. Most have forgotten what made them pick up that smelly, stinky, rotten thing in the first place. So think about it. In all you do, trust in the Lord as stated in Proverbs 3:4-5; with all your heart and He will direct your path. What do you think about it? Are you better from a past relationship? Or are you still bitter? No longer able to love or trust? Let me know by leaving a little note on the Desk of a Real wife....

Promise to...

Promises, promises.... When posing the question to myself, I begin to realize that the sentiment isn't true that promises are meant to be broken. Broken promises lead to broken hearts. Often we minimize the significance of keeping one's word. Whether it's the promise never to leave or do that again, or that this won't hurt or even I will pay you back; A promise is a promise. In marriage we promise to love, honor and cherish. We promise through thick and thin, through good and bad, for richer or poorer. But when the relationship thermostat gets turned up, "That's it! Deuces we are out!" But what about the promise we made? Personally, I have spent time soul searching to determine why do promises mean so much to me in my life? I figured out it has nothing to do with separation anxiety or committment issues, it is just a standard ingrained by years of living with my grandmother. "If you give your word, then keep it! It is all you have. Your word is something that money can't buy." This principle should be important to every woman married or single. When we choose to make a promise we need to be honest with ourselves first and foremost. It's easy to agree or promise to do ANYTHING when emotions are in control. Promise to love, to cook (or at least learn how to), or to forgive. Whatever the promise may be, remember to keep it. Not doing so can break the heart of someone you love. And that person may be you.... Just something to ponder on as you read this little note from the desk of a real wife.